Bhalu’s Training Journal

I know I already have one journal going, but it felt right to have that one be focused on my specific work with a Course in Miracles. At the same time, I am doing the very necessary work of taking care of my health and wellness. 

Today begins my journey toward making a better me, and I just want a place to write out my experiences as they come. As always, commentary and suggestions are welcome. Here or on Discord.

Today is July 1st 2023. I can’t believe we are halfway through the year! It really feels like we are moving faster through space with every year that passes. Gretchen Rubin says “The Days are Long, but the Years are short”. And, I absolutely believe that to be true. I am currently on summer break from school. This means that instead of working 8-12 hours a day, I get far more time to relax and experience life. Sometimes I feel like I am letting life slip away by burying myself too much into the work. Money is important, but I wonder if I am doing too much. I would really like to buy a house soon. That will require a lot of money. But, renting is truly a nightmare in this economy. Half of my income every month goes to bills! Wow! I wish it were going into equity instead.

As for health… today I had a specific challenge. I was invited to a brunch. When the universe knows you’re trying to make a change, it certainly gives you the opportunity to prove yourself… I was strong. I had an omelette, which was delicious. I am indeed going to cut out dairy from my diet for a month or so, and that wasn’t great, but I felt like isolating myself or not eating at brunch was just not going to work. That’s unsustainable. I will be clearer next time on my temporary dietary restrictions. 

I purchased a book called Quick and Easy Ketogenic Cooking. I was so impressed with it when I saw it at Barnes and Noble. Finally, a cook book that’s not filled with recipes you need a culinary degree to use effectively. 

I need to go to Dollar Tree and get mason jars… For homemade recipe things. Pickling veggies, brewing herbal teas, storing leftovers, making jar salads, etc. I am going to transform into THAT bitch you know who home cooks everything. Also, Maria is a vegetarian Keto person… she has a neighbor who gives her 11 dozen chicken eggs a week. Wow. I feel like I couldn’t handle that many eggs, but that is certainly the best way to get in protein on a veggie Keto diet. I think I am going to not be that extreme up front. I think I will eat meat for a while. The diet is already very, very restrictive. 

Repairing my relationship with food will take a long time. I have spent 15 years being addicted. It won’t come undone completely for perhaps just as long. I have to learn to forgive myself for those 15 years of pain and harming my body. I refuse to hurt myself anymore. Not as a perfect creation. I won’t stand for it. 

I did some meditation and a full vocal warm up today. I am working on making a little habit of breathing well for a few minutes at the end of the day too. Meditation doesn’t need to be a chore. Start small until you make it a habit, then grow in your practice. Perhaps I will spend some time today developing a curriculum for Force Realist meditation practices. 

It is finally cool enough to walk outside again. Well, in the morning and at night anyway. I will start that back up too. 

It is VITAL that I don’t do too much too soon. Vital. Somebody slap me over the head if I try to do too much at once. Getting back into things is not about quantity, necessarily. It’s about consistency. Deepening practice over time.

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