When I was in Middle School, I remember being given an assignment where I had to a write a letter to my future self. I never kept up with that letter, so I couldn’t tell you at all what Middle School me wanted to tell Adult me. Though, I imagine it was probably really small things like “don’t be a jerk to others, because you know what it’s like to have gone through abuse” or “keep on smiling, because there is beauty in the world”.
I’m not sure why, but my mind wandered to that letter a couple weeks ago as I started getting more information about the tumor which likely formed over the course of the last 10-15 years in my rectum. Yeah…I have recal cancer, and it’s at Stage III (regional lymph nodes affected). Right now, I have this incredible peace around the situation. I know I’m going to be fine, the only real issue I’m facing at the moment are issues relating to bowel movements. Other than that, I wouldn’t have known the difference.
However, things may soon change in that regard, because the treatment for this condition includes Chemotherapy, Radiation, and then finally surgery to remove whatever mass is left over. My 2022 Roller Coaster has me blindfolded. I don’t have a clue what any of this is going to do to me- and while I can’t find the means to be anxious right now, come Tuesday when I get my first round of Chemo Infusion, things could drastically change.
So I thought to myself “Seta, why not write a letter to your future self now?”.
The Jedi Compass may have only enter the Jedi Community in 2013, but there have been so many different ways for me to explore it that I thought it best to use it as a model for the letter I wanted to write. This way, I had actual prompts for what I could tell my future self- rather than trying to come up with small things. It also gives me an opportunity to consider how the Jedi Path can inform my personal journey.
Some of these things are applicable across the board for any Jedi. While others are more specific to my circumstances (such as the fact that I work as an Armed Security Guard on the weekends). Some will make more sense to me, than they will to you. But none-the-less, I wanted to share with you all how I used the Compass to create a series of reminders as I head into this journey. If I get a chance, I’ll try to go into them more in-depth during a Jedi Journal episode on KoA. We’ll see how things pan out. 😊
Interactions with People
Duty to All – You still have something to offer this world, so stick to the plan and be ready to offer your unique gift when you can.
Exterior – You are not the only person going through your cancer journey. Even those who are around you regularly and do not know all the details are traveling it with you.
Positive-Regard – People have many things they are going through, don’t forget to consider their trauma even whilst you are going through your own.
Responsibility – Your responses have consequences. When you’re interacting with others make sure you’re not being unfair. At the same time, it’s okay to be assertive when it matters.
Objectivity – Don’t assume the worst of others’ responses or lack thereof. They may not know how to respond or are processing through their own emotions.
Compassion – Have compassion for yourself, your medical team and the people around you. They all have stories, and if they are in your life theirs are intersecting with yours (be it long term or briefly). Where you can, be a listening ear, as you have tried to be in the past.
Work-Related
Respect the Law – Make sure you have your radio and cell phone on you at all times when at work. If something occurs, you cannot rely on your condition to excuse poor use/escalation of Force.
Defense – Take notes of your surroundings at work. Your mobility may not be the same, and you’ll need to rely more heavily on cover & concealment now than before.
Notes to Self
The Force – Life carries on beyond change or physical death – but that’s not an excuse to give up on who you are or what you strive to be.
Loyalty to the Jedi Code – You still have your oath and if you value who you are now, maintaining your oath to maintain the Jedi Code shouldn’t be too difficult 😉
Interior – Take time to process your emotions. As you go through your treatment, your emotions are likely to change. Knowing how you feel each week will inform how you will respond to other things.
Self-Care – Don’t forget to ensure you are taking time for yourself. Trying to make sure that everyone else is taken care of while you’re on this journey will cause burnout.
Action – Know your limitations. Take steps now for those times you may not be capable of doing something you could normally do.
Self-Discipline – Don’t forget your Jedi training goals. It may be slower than you’d like, but stick with it and you’ll get there when you get there.
Fortitude – This fight is likely to be difficult, but giving up does you no good. Whenever you think “I can’t take it anymore”, remember that you are a still a soldier at heart. Your mission is to overcome this cancer, never accept defeat, never quit, and don’t leave your loved ones behind.
Overcome Emotions – Take inventory of how your emotions are affecting your actions.
Spiritual Art – Meditation can go a long ways in helping to be mindful of all these reminders, but it is important that you do not forget to include the divine on this journey.
Health Objectives
Integrity – No shortcuts. In medicine it just doesn’t work. And in terms for following the Jedi Code of Conduct, it can have lasting relationship implications if you falter too hard.
Overcome Recklessness – Stubbornness can kill. Don’t leave your doctors out of the loop. Communicate everything that happens, because they’ll know best how to proceed forward. And don’t ignore doctor’s orders.
Overcome Attachments – Sugar Cane has got to go. This list will probably grow as you learn more about foods that are linked to the cancers you’re predisposed to.
Defense Art – Your best defense. right now, is learning and implementing a sustainable diet…and learning how to cook yummy meals.
Physical Art – Watch what you eat, only do exercises approved by your doctor to prevent strain with your port.
Scholarly Art – Work on learning about foods that increase colorectal cancer (and probably others pending your genetics test). Just make sure you’re confirming with actual scientific studies though.