As you know.. One of the many things a Jedi is known for is keeping his/her anger in check. They rarely show it, and are able to deal with it. I'll explain in my own words, how this may be possible. I've had experience with it in the past, and I was told to share it with all of you now.
First, I'll pull a section from the Jedi Apprentice novels "The Rising Force"; by Dave Wolverton.
Here it is:
Anger and fear drove him too hard, that if he didn't learn to control them, they would lead him down a path he didn't want to follow. "Befriend them, you should," Yoda had advised. "Look them in the eye without blinking. Use faults as your teachers, you should. Then, rule you, they will not. Rule them, you shall."
I use this passage because I think it can easily relate to everyone, especially the younger ones who read the Jedi Apprentice novels.
Anger is very common in our daily lives. We feel it just about everyday. If something goes wrong in our day, we usually get angry about it. Take this for example.
You wake up in the morning, alarm clock blaring. You turn off the clock; as the sound echoes through your head. You get up, brush your teeth, eat breakfast… etc. You turn on the news, and long behold it says there is a ten car pile up on the road you take to work everyday. So you get dressed and head off to work, sidetracking the accident. You get to work, and realize the side tracking took longer than usual. Your boss calls you in his office, and you basically get a slap on the wrist for being late, if not worse. Now you have piles of things to do... and being late just made it a whole lot busier around your work area. You come home exhausted, eat dinner, and then eventually hit the sack.
Now in this specific example, how many things would you get angry or frustrated about if it were you? Most of you would say getting up for one… but besides that, you'd probably say that the car accident really got you steamed because it side tracked your whole day. You received a lecture by the boss, had extra work, and disgruntled your co-workers.
Working with the section I mentioned earlier, how would we manage this situation? (Specific situation, dealing with the anger, and how to control it)
Step 1 – admit your anger, and realize what made you angry.
In this case, step one would be your anger toward the car accident. Though you did not cause the accident that made you late, side tracking it made you late. You are angry that this happened, and are now one step closer to feeling the boss's footprint on your bottom. Seriously, though, you are angry the accident occurred and made you late for work, which had just offset your day.
Now in relation to the section from that book; {Anger and fear drove him too hard, that if he didn't learn to control them, they would lead him down a path he didn't want to follow.}
Though you can't control when car accidents happen, you can control when you will get to work. So there was an accident, and you realize this can offset your plans... As in, nearly get you fired because you were late for work, and cause others around you to get a little fired up because they have extra work to do because you weren't there in the first place. The fear of getting fired makes you angry - you don't want to look for another job. You like your job, and want to keep it. Therefore, you are upset you were late and nearly fired. Along with that, your temporary absence caused others to do your work, and they may have taken a negative approach to you because they ended up doing what you were hired for.
With that admitted, and realized, you can move to the next step.
Now I'll add this in as just a note:
You don't want to get caught up in a negative attitude, which would just make the day worse. So remember that you can take it in either two ways. The option is yours to take of course. There may be others, so this is just a generalization.
1. Be positive, and concentrate on your newly given task to hopefully get it done a lot quicker and make up for that accident.
2. You can take it in a negative manner, and let your anger and fear of getting fired, and fear of not getting all the work done slow your work down with those thoughts running through your mind.
"Befriend them, you should" This is basically saying to be 'friends' with your anger. You can't defeat it; it is always there. Try it, and it will only defeat you. You have to live with many types of anger, and once you defeat one, another will always arise. Attempting to defeat it would just make you sink further into it. You’d become angry at your own fault of not being able to defeat your own anger. So work in unison with it.
Step 2 – See your mistakes, and learn from them.
Learning from your mistake is critical. It is your own fault you have the anger. It is ALWAYS your fault, and will always be. We as human being are of course, not perfect. That doesn’t mean we should use it as an excuse though. I say this, because you let yourself become angry. So how do you not get angry? Well you’ll get angry, even the best of Jedi do. The key is control, and this comes through learning your mistake, and finally accept it.
In the example I gave you, I explained the mistakes. Now it is up to you to learn from them. In the given case, there was a car accident.
So how do you learn from this? You learn from this, by realizing that being late could have been prevented, even though the car accident couldn’t have.
So how do you prevent this? Well, now seeing that there can be traffic jams, construction, and accidents… You can learn to plan alternate routs. Wake up early, and watch the news so you can see ahead of time before waiting until the last minute. Those are just a few examples of what you could do in this particular case. Given in any situation, this is the process though.
Step 3 – Dealing with it.
Now when you have finally learned of what you can do. You also have learned a great deal from the experience. Now to deal with the actual problem. You’re still frustrated. A bit upset at all the events that had taken place in that day. That can usually be overcome, by what you have learned, and can do in the future. You have to accept your anger, but don’t drown in it. Remember not to let things like this eat at you. Tell a friend about the situation, write about it in a book… etc. Just don’t let it eat at you, or it can and will get worse. Anger just doesn’t vanish into thin air. In my time, I have always released it. This is part of dealing with your anger.
In this particular case, that would be getting to work on time the next day. Remembering from the experience, to have alternate routes in mind, just in case. Give your co-workers an apology, as well as your boss, and do a good job at work. By the end of the day, the anger would have flushed, and you will find yourself more proud than angry.
In final closing, Yoda’s quote, "Look them in the eye without blinking. Use faults as your teachers, you should. Then, rule you, they will not. Rule them, you shall."
Don’t take your eyes off the problem for a second. Learn from your faults, and then you can learn how to correct your mistakes. You rule your anger then, and it doesn’t rule you. By doing these steps, you can control your anger, decide outcome. Focus on your task.
Now to go into deeper complexity, I’ll show you how this works into the Jedi Code.
In the third line of the Jedi code, it states and I quote “There is no passion, there is serenity”
I’ll explain this slowly. The definition of passion (one of them) is strong feeling, or emotions distinguished from reason. Thus being rage or anger in this particular meaning. The definition of serenity, is clear, or quiet and calm… tranquil, placid, peaceful.
Now looking at that code, you'd think that you are supposed to totally wipe out your anger, hate, fear, or whatever else emotion that you so strongly have. This is not the case. It means that you look into your passion with deep meaning, thus dealing with it, and therefore can come through it with serenity. Remember that I said you'd feel more pride, than anger. That is a good example of what I had said in relation here. The problem does not go away, you must deal with it. That is how that line of code is to be distinguished, and that is its relation to this lecture. One of the many 'unwritten' parts of the code, but easily seen.
Now, these steps and process can take seconds, minutes, hours or days depending on the complexity of the problem and the extent of your anger. If it does take a long time, your anger will not always be in check, it will be hard to keep your focus until you arrive at conclusion. Now if it is a simple problem you are angry at, and you know what you did, the process can whip by in seconds as you realize what is going on and start to deal with the situation.
Here is a technique to help with this entire process if you do lose your cool. It is the calming breath.
First, you must STOP what you are thinking. Just stop it, and go once through the steps I mentioned. Second, take a deep breath, and hold it for about 3 seconds. Exhale slowly counting down from ten to one.
Do this a couple of times, depending on how angry you are.
Now, resume what you would normally do, and if anger arises, do it again. This breath is mainly to keep your focus, so you don’t do something you shouldn’t. Keep this in check when you don’t have a lot of time to go through this process slowly. The calming breath does not cure anger, can’t solve it, but it greatly helps you focus on what you need to do at the moment. It is also helpful when going through these three steps, focusing on them to realize your anger, and what may solve the situation.
Remember that when you go through these steps, that you don’t do anything spontaneous or irrational. Really think about what you are doing, so that you don’t lead yourself into a deeper pit. A few examples are name calling, which would hurt others and a possible retaliation; temper tantrums, which could lead you to do something you don’t want to do; giving into an insult given to you that you know is true, or untrue to make you feel guilty. This last example I just mentioned you have to be very willing on your part, and accept it with an open mind. Don’t fall into a deeper pit, move on. It is not of great importance, and you know that. No retaliation is really necessary, even if you know it to be untrue. The only thing you need to defend on is your own emotion; not what you think another is thinking. Let them say what they wish, you know your truths.
Stay focused on your Cause - i.e. being a Jedi Knight, and use your energy accordingly. Some things, such as people making fun of you, insulting you and so forth - or attacking your beliefs - just aren't worth getting angry about. If they are unwilling to change their thoughts, you can’t make them. Consider the petty source and move on. Defend yourself if necessary, yes, but do not expend too much energy on these problems. You have bigger and better things to do.