For this discussion, it is important that the reader ask themselves a few revealing questions.
1. When was the last time you were so gripped by a movie, song, or work of art that you felt it to the depths of your being?
2. When was the last time you read a story in which you were so moved that you believed you were one of the characters?
3. When was the last time you saw a floral arrangement that was so beautiful that it moved you to tears?
4. Can you remember the last time you felt as if you wanted everything to just freeze so that you could enjoy what you felt forever?
5. How many of your neighbors can you name by name in 60 seconds?
6. If you could say one nice thing about either the neighbor across the street or next door, what would it be?
This essay on feeling is not going to be just another one of those heady lectures, the focus of which is “thinking about feeling.” There will be no Webster’s dictionary definition, or ten steps to a healthy, happier you. We will not pursue feeling good, feeling bad, or feeling out of shape. (Something I am particularly pleased about.) No, this is not another essay about “raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens.” It is not the intention of this lecture to sprinkle fairy dust and make everyone fly once they think their happy thought. You will not hear any snake-oil-salesmanlike platitudes about getting rich quick, living life to the fullest or improving your self-esteem.
Now, of course there is nothing wrong with a full life or a healthy self-esteem. It is just that we live in a culture in which these very intangible divine given gifts are marketed as if you simply need to run down to the nearest self-esteem dealer, and get this year’s model.
The fact is the truth is just the opposite. Since it is the truth that we are seeking. We must pare away for a moment our indoctrinated selves. It is the truth that will set in motion that which will release us from the bondage of ourselves, our inhibitions and our endless needs to conform to what we refer to as “normal.” For in the end it is being truthful with ourselves that is all that matters.
Lets talk about when we were children. Young children are normally pretty free spirits. They run and they play. They make friends. They quickly show their emotions of joy and sadness. They say what they are thinking. They use their imagination. It is all right when you are a child to believe in things, even if they do not make sense to anyone else. So, we start out as people who are very able to receive new ideas and concepts but are equally able to feel. As time goes on, and we grow up, we become more and more indoctrinated by our culture which tells us that we need to wear the right clothes, drive the right cars and live in the right neighborhood so that in the end we can be accepted. Of course, accepted not for who we are, but for who the world taught us to be. So what then is the first step to freeing ourselves to be who we are called to be? Learning how to feel is the key that unlocks the door to our souls.
Every human being is completely unique. It has often been said we are one in a million. Actually, it is more like one in four billion. Each person has a spark of creativity within him or her. So, what separates those who are highly creative from those who are not? One trait is the gift of feeling. We live in a society that bows down to information as if it were a god. It seems as though all the schools emphasize anymore is Math, Language studies, and Science. We are able to share information at a rate of speed that would have been unthinkable 100 years ago. With all this knowledge, it seems that we have completely forgotten how to feel.
Feeling, like breathing is both an involuntary and voluntary thing. We breathe often quite involuntarily. In fact, all day long and all night long as we sleep we breath. We never think about “am I breathing or not?” We just do it. However, if we get up on the stage at the Lincoln Center to sing an aria, breathing becomes quite a different issue. All of a sudden it is no longer just that involuntary act in which we sustain our lives, it now has meaning and function. It has a purpose other than simply going through a biological motion. It becomes part of the gift. The same can be said of feeling. There are times when we “just feel.” Certainly if a close friend or loved one died we would feel sadness. That is automatic. But what we need to focus our attention on in order to free ourselves, is voluntary feeling. This can be referred to as the gift of feeling.
I asked six questions at the beginning of this essay. I am sure by now you all have probably figured out that question five does not fit. Continuing this train of thought, you were probably quite easily able to name several neighbors in the time given. It was probably a little more difficult but you were also probably able to name something nice about some neighbors. But the deeper questions that required serious feeling were probably quite difficult if not impossible to answer. So here are the two important points. First, if we are not exercising the gift of feeling at the time we experience our deepest feeling; it will probably not have a lasting impact on us. Secondly, the more we allow analytical thinking to distract us, the less we will exercise the gift of feeling. That is not at all to say that analytical thinking is bad, we just should not allow it to distract us from feeling also.
Here are some of the characteristics of the gift of feeling. These were found on many web sites with no credit given on any of them as to the source. People with the gift of feeling often associate with the color blue. They tend to be aware of subtle details. Manual dexterity and channeling healing energy are found within this gift. Hugging, touching and “warm fuzzies” are characteristics. The negative side of this feeling is that if they become out of balance, they can be defensive, take things personally and be over emotional.
It is quite obvious that those who have the gift of healing have some very special powers. So why then do we refuse to use this gift? It is the need for acceptance from others. We judge our feelings based on what we believe other people think. This starts of course with our parents. Note this quote from Dancing the Path of Feeling:
Since it was Judgement that put the emotion away in the first place, this tends to be our specie's way of dealing with the activation itself. By judging the feeling, we can create the illusion of "recovering" from the activation, forgetting as soon as possible that it ever occurred. This compacts more Feeling into that which is already stuck.
Much of this judgement we learn from our parents, who, of course, learned it from their parents, etc. As babies, we have no conscious judgements about what we are feeling. We just feel. Then when we try and express, we receive cues from our parents that tell us how they feel about expression of our feeling. Sometimes these cues are verbal. Sometimes they may be facial expressions. More often, it is the subtle ways we are touched and the feelings that we perceive from our parents, for infants are far more psychically sensitive than can be easily observed, especially to their own parents. It does not take long to learn which feelings and expressions our parents liked, and which ones they did not. ("Dancing the Path of Feeling", Chapter 2 page 1.)
So you see, if we are truly going to accept the gift of feeling, we not only have a lot to learn, We have a lot to unlearn. Here are some suggestions for beginning the journey:
1. Empty your mind of the day’s events and find a quiet place to let your feeling happen.
2. Begin with meditation or prayer.
3. Do not be afraid if your feelings take you someplace that makes you uncomfortable. Continue to feel, even if what you feel seems to be illogical, stupid or odd. In the end, it may make more sense than you think.
4. Make a diary or journal of what you feel and track it over time. See where your feelings lead you.
Peter Shepherd in his “Release Techniques” essay gives the following list of feelings:
1. Apathy and related feelings such as bored, careless, cold, cut-off, dead, defeated, depressed, discouraged, disillusioned, drained, forgetful, futile, hopeless, humorless, indecisive, indifferent, lazy, lost, negative, numb, overwhelmed, resigned, shocked, stuck, tired, worthless, etc.
2. Grief and related feelings such as abandoned, abused, accused, anguished, ashamed, betrayed, cheated, embarrassed, helpless, hurt, ignored, left out, longing, loss, melancholy, misunderstood, neglected, pity, poor me, regret, rejection, remorse, sad, unhappy.
3. Fear and related feelings such as anxious, apprehensive, cautious, cowardly, doubt, dread, foreboding, inhibited, insecure, nervous, panicky, scared, secretive, shaky, shy, skeptical, stage fright, suspicious, tense, trapped, worried.
4. Compulsive feelings of anticipation, craving, demanding, desiring, devious, driven, envy, frustrated, greed, impatient, manipulative, lust, need, obsessed, pushy, ruthless, selfish; wanting desperately to have or to hurt; needing security, control, acceptance or approval; need to be right, to make another wrong.
5. Anger and related feelings such as aggressive, annoyed, argumentative, defiant, demanding, disgusted, fierce, frustrated, furious, hatred, impatience, jealous, mad, mean, outraged, rebellious, resentment, rude, spiteful, stern, stubborn, vengeful, vicious, violent.
6. Pride and related feelings such as aloof, arrogant, boastful, clever, contemptuous, cool, critical, judgmental, righteous, rigid, self-satisfied, snobbish, spoiled, superior, unforgiving, vain.
7. Courage and related feelings such as adventurous, alert, aware, competent, confident, creative, daring, decisive, eager, happy, independent, loving, motivated, open, positive, resourceful, self-sufficient, strong, supportive, vigorous.
8. Acceptance and related feelings such as balance, beauty, compassion, delight, empathy, friendly, gentle, joyful, loving, open, receptive, secure, understanding, wonder.
9. Peace and related feelings such as calm, centered, complete, free, fulfilled, perfect, pure, quiet, serene, tranquil, whole.
In a day and age in which we seem to be flooded with violence and hatred, it seems that we as a society need to learn how to deal with our feelings. We also need to learn to feel and to be allowed to feel. Our challenge is not so much to decide if we will feel or not. The true challenge is to remove the box that we are in that prohibits us from feeling. Once we free ourselves from that, the feelings will come naturally.