"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For indeed, that's all who ever have." -Margaret Mead
One of the greatest attributes of human nature that seems to be leaving us altogether is loyalty. There was once a time in which we bought our goods, did our jobs, and lived our lives based on this principle. I do not want what I am saying to be in any way misconstrued. I am not advocating going back to “the good old days.” There is no such creature. I do, however, believe very strongly that we as an organization need to abide by principles that go beyond the boundaries of religion, common decency, or even desire to help our neighbor, whether that neighbor is right next door, or thousands of miles away and communicating to us by computer.
Loyalty is a big commodity these days. There are courses taught to big business on how to make loyal customers and loyal employees. There are cards that grocery stores use to track customer loyalty and buying habits. There are professional speakers who will speak to organizations and business on the importance of loyalty. The incredible thing is, all of this loyalty that they speak of is loyalty that will hopefully result in personal gain of the person paying the bill. The most ironic thing of all is that most of these organizations WOULD have loyal customers and loyal employees if THEY were loyal to their customers and employees. Where loyalty for personal gain is concerned, yes, the saying is true: what goes around certainly does come around.
So, what is so important about loyalty? Josiah Royce once said, “Unless you can find some sort of loyalty, you cannot find unity and peace in your active living.” In many ways, loyalty is the crown jewel of everything we hold dear. It crosses all boundaries, transcends all philosophies, and in the end, is one of the strongest foundational bases for all ethical belief systems. I would like to consider three areas of loyalty: loyalty to ourselves, loyalty in relationships and loyalty to commitments.
Before we can begin to comprehend what it means to be loyal to others, we must first know and understand loyalty to ourselves. There is a life-long progression that takes place to develop this. These steps follow us through our life and at times are present alone, and at times are present together. At times one aspect is prominent over others, and at times they are fairly well balanced. As the cares of life come as bumps in the road, our reactions to them can often result in a change in the aspects of personal loyalty.
First, our basic human needs must be met. We need shelter, food, warmth, someone to love, etc. Obviously, from birth this aspect is always with us. Secondly, after basic needs, our views are important to us. Generally, our views will be a matter of personal loyalty at first in ways that conform to a chosen standard. This chosen standard can be a religion, a philosophy or adamant stand against a chosen set of conforming beliefs. It is ironic that those who fight the battle for the non-traditional and non-conforming end up 30 years later with traditions and philosophies all their own. Thirdly, after basic needs and basic beliefs are met, generally we seek to branch out and determine those areas in which we can find unique slants and make our mark on the world.
Loyalty in relationships means considering the needs, beliefs and unique qualities of those who have a special place in our lives. Woodrow Wilson once said: “Loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart the absolute principle of self-sacrifice.” Wow, here is the zinger! It would seem then that this would contradict that fact that we have a loyalty to ourselves. So, how is this not the case? Balance. We must balance our need to be loyal to our own needs, desires, views and unique qualities with those with whom our lives are woven.
This is particularly true of the relationship of marriage. I have often heard it put this way. Marriage is not a 50/50 relationship; it is a 100/100 relationship. Each member brings their whole self into it and has full partnership in the relationship. While we cannot say the same of brother/sister or child/parent relationships, many of the principles still apply. In considering our loyalty in relationships, we can first consider the emotional bond that brings us together in life. In some cases, as in marriage, or long-term domestic relationships, these bonds are chosen. In others, such as our biological families, these are formed from our early stages of development. Let me just say here, that I realize that we all come from different backgrounds and I want to be very sensitive to the fact that not all chosen or biological relationships have had an outcome that fostered a strong emotional bond. It is unfortunate when acts of violence and sexual abuse force us to break this emotional bond. I feel very strongly for those who have been through an experience such as this and do not mean to indicate that one MUST have a relationship with an abusive parent, spouse or other family member. The purpose of this talk is not to draw out specific examples, but to make us all aware of the basic principles of loyalty and how it is played out in our lives.
The second step after the emotional bond is the functional role that the person plays in our life. Obviously, throughout different stages of our lives, different people will have the most important role. For example, when we are children, our parents may take the most important role. When we marry, our spouse may take the most important role, and so on. Here is where this gets a little confusing. I do not want to confuse what I am saying here about loyalty with another dynamic in our lives-- incentive. Loyalty in this situation says, I am with you, here for you etc…because. And you have to fill in the blank. Incentive says, “what’s in it for me?” Let’s not get the two confused. As we look at these two levels of loyalty in our relationships, we can see that there is the potential for both “absolute” loyalty and loyalty that is merely for our own convenience. The balance then, must be to determine the percentage of self-sacrifice to that of looking out for our own interests. And there may be times in which giving in to the other person will actually have an outcome that serves the higher good better in the long run.
The third area that we must consider is loyalty to commitment. What is really the core here is honesty and integrity, with both others and ourselves. Integrity means trying even if you think you have failed. It means, giving your all even when that is difficult to do. It means doing what is right and decent and fair, even when everyone else has given up on those virtues. Honesty means seeking to live by the truth no matter where that truth leads us. It means being truthful to self and others. Loyalty to commitment - what DOES it mean? I often hear in my line of work a statement from people that goes something like this: “X number of years ago I could come into your bank and ask for a loan and the officer would fill out a piece of paper and I would go to the teller and get the cash. Now, we have to go through all this red tape.” Others put it this way: “I can remember a time when a handshake meant something.” My dear friends, that red tape is the thermometer that gauges our health as a people, a wider community. Something has changed in recent years and it has not just been the underwriting policies at banks. Loyalty to our commitments is such an important aspect of this, because it affects us all. I hear people so often state, “What happens behind closed doors between two people has no effect on me.”
I am not here to promote any particular set of values, virtues or beliefs. However, I will say this. The way we as members of the human race carry out our loyalty to commitment, the way we exercise our honesty and integrity DOES have rippling effects on all of us. We see it in the banking example above. It could easily be stated that both sides of that handshake have changed. We see it in the high prices in stores to make up for those who steal. And we see it in the "dumbing down" of our society as more and more turn away from their commitments to what they believe, and turn away from entertainment that fosters beauty and the arts. Instead, they turn toward tabloid magazines and television shows like Jerry Springer, which always take us to the lowest common denominator, rather than lifting us up to higher standards. We as a society, a culture, and a world lie to ourselves if we feel we can continually subject ourselves to that in the name of entertainment and maintain loyalty, honesty and integrity.
As we move into this new century and new millenium, let us make a commitment to bring back to its rightful place this important principle, loyalty. For many, these ideas will stretch us out of our comfort zone. However, to do great things we must think and act like great people. I have heard it put this way, “There are no traffic jams on the extra mile.” I close with this: Madison Sarratt, former president of Vanderbilt University once said, "Today I am going to give you two examinations, one in trigonometry and one in honesty. I hope you will pass them both, but if you must fail one, let it be trigonometry, for there are many good people in this world today who cannot pass an examination in trigonometry, but there are no good people in the world who cannot pass an examination in honesty." Loyalty to our commitments means being honest with ourselves, and doing the right thing about it.