Understanding: a. friendly or harmonious relationship. b. sympathy c. a mutual agreement not formally entered into but in some degree binding each side.
Tolerance: a. sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing or conflicting with one’s own.
After having read these definitions, think about how often you actually see them applied in life. Nowhere near often enough, right? People, especially the younger generations, cry out for understanding. Complaining about the lack of understanding and tolerance in today’s society is a good step toward recognizing the problem. The next step is to start looking at ways that each one of US can be part of the solution.
What keeps people from practicing understanding and tolerance in their daily lives? Well, fear is an important factor. A lot of people’s lives are ruled by fear. Fear of physical harm, fear of the unknown, fear of what others will think of them, fear of stepping outside their comfortable box of beliefs and habits (their "safety zones") and taking chances, and so on and so forth. Human beings tend to feel comfortable with that which they already understand, and have no desire to seek understanding in the fear-provoking unknown. That is perhaps the greatest obstacle to understanding that we face. And if we can’t understand our fellow human beings how are we ever going to be able to form relationships with them?
Understanding is a key part of a relationship. You don’t necessarily have to agree with something to understand it. I certainly don’t agree with the concept of a constantly clean room, but I understand where it comes from and why. You may not agree with rules or reasons, customs or concepts, ways or wants, but it doesn’t mean you can’t try to understand them. This is a lot easier said than done. Understanding most likely will not come to you overnight, and all of us find certain things easier to understand than others. There are always exceptions, but for the most part you are going to have to work for that understanding. It is an attainable goal, so don’t give up right away.
So fear can block understanding, and a lack of understanding blocks relationships from forming. What is another reason that understanding and tolerance may be in short supply these days? Well, laziness and not caring also plays a big part. Let’s look at how people spend time and energy. It takes a lot of time and effort to do anything in our daily lives, and we are all going to spend time and energy on something. Many people spend a lot of time burrowing themselves into their "safety zones". If they spent that time on trying to understand things and people around them, imagine how much more friendly, even compassionate, our world could be. If people actually understood each other there would be no need for bickering and fighting. They would know why other people do things, and what they need. They would make room for those needs because they understood them. Now that’s also bordering on the subject of empathy (which is far too rare as well) but I won’t dive into that today. Before empathy, before someone can be truly empathic towards others, they must first have understanding.
Another important part of a relationship of any kind, which goes hand in hand with understanding, is tolerance. I mentioned that you don’t need to agree with something to understand it, and you don’t. But there must be tolerance. You don’t always need understanding to have tolerance, but you must have tolerance to practice understanding. The two go together. Understanding is wasted without tolerance. It’s as useless as lighting a match in heavy wind. If you understand something but don’t show tolerance for it, what is your understanding worth? True knowledge always shows itself in actions. Or, as the saying goes, "The smallest deed always beats the best of intentions". In a way, that can be applied here. Understanding something and showing tolerance for it is a lot better than understanding everything and showing tolerance for nothing. And I don’t mean physical tolerance, I mean tolerance to the way a person does things, someone's personality, to events occurring around you. A person who leads a life without tolerance, leads a life of loneliness that will only bring disappointment and frustration with every new day. A person with no tolerance is also intolerable to others.
OK. How does this apply to each of us? Well, let’s look at our own families. Tolerance can help a household run smoother. Tolerance can be the factor that holds the peace until an agreement can be reached, or changes can be made. It can be the peace guardian, keeping the flames of conflict at bay until something can be done. And peace, tolerance and understanding starts inside of each of us, to be spread outward to others as we apply these qualities in our daily lives. As Emerson once said, "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself". If tolerance brings peace, we must bring tolerance. It is everyone's responsibility to bring their own tolerance (and thus peace) to the world. If we want others to be tolerant and respectful of us, we must first show tolerance and respect for others. We must, as Ghandi pointed out, be the change we wish to see in the world.