This past weekend, starting Friday afternoon, I worked my way through an A&E docuseries on Hulu called “Undercover High”. It was interesting to see the shock of the adults in the show at what goes on in a Topeka High School setting today.
Perhaps the most striking story, for me, was one of a woman named Erin who tried to reach a girl named Michelle.
What we know of Michelle from the show is that she enlisted with the Army. However, for someone her age that could mean a number of things. In the show, she states that she’s been in for a year and a half by this point, and she has an 8 year enlistment. We also know that she is seen wearing the same Kansas National Guard shirt several times throughout the show, and she mentions going to drill. It isn’t until towards the end of the series that Michelle tells us she is now out of the Army.
The story of how she gets out is fairly telling too. She broke her arm about a year prior to exchange and had to get a metal rod put in-later from the principal we learn this was from a car accident. Then Michelle says she talked with her NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer) and said she wanted out, her NCO said “You can go”. Now, this story is completely from her telling, and we have no idea exactly how that conversation went down. At the conclusion of Michelle speaking on this, states that she is happy now that she doesn’t have to kill anyone.
Despite the fact that this series covers 4 months of material, and there must be a lot of information missing from the conversations they have had- I couldn’t help but wonder just how much Erin tried with Michelle to fully understand what Michelle was talking about.
You see, from what little I have of the situation we see (and based on my personal experience with the Army), I have questions. Like was she Delayed Entry Army, Reserve or National Guard? What was the military occupational speciality she signed up for? What does she actually understand of her contract? Etc. None of these questions seem to be asked by Erin, and instead what we see is an adult immediately jump to the conclusions about what exactly this all means.
Admittedly, Erin’s exchange throughout the show with Michelle irritated me. It wasn’t the lack of military knowledge to tackle the problem that upset me the most- it was more the fact that she didn’t try to understand. And I see this all the time in the world around me. Instead of asking the questions, we take what someone says at face value and believe we understand the situation well enough to help them through the problem.
Being good at peer-to-peer intervention requires a basic understanding of Active Listening. Every step of the way we have to ADAPT as information comes to us, and then get the person we are trying to help to form their own plan. Not OUR plan, THEIRS.
Attention- All your attention should be focused on the other person.
Don't Interrupt- Interrupting can cause serious problems, let the person speak.
Ask- If you are unsure about something, don't assume you know it, ask for clarification.
Paraphrase- try to paraphrase everything you have heard, this will help you determine if you are on the right track, and let's the other person know you are listening.
Tune- Become aware of the other person's emotions.
Going back to Michelle’s situation, I am not 100% sure leaving her enlistment behind was the option she really wanted. Primarily because she didn’t seem to want anything for herself even by the end of the show. She had seemed to give herself over to apathy.
Where I believe Erin did what she felt was the best she had to offer Michelle, I think Erin represents one of the most important examples of why schools need to require a form of Crisis Intervention Peer Support program for every student. If Undercover High uncovered anything, it’s that adolescents listen more to their peers than they do the adults. For some it’s because the parents simply cannot or are not present, and the teachers represent an authority that simply cannot relate to their students in the same way a peer can. And really, if I look back on my high school years, many of my own peers were less influenced by their parents and moreso by their interactions with each other.