Whilst I was on the Force Academy Shadow Council official training program before I joined the council I was asked a question, one specific among many. The question that was posed was by Mea'Lorgharra, and went as follows:
What is the most important thing in life?
Take some time to actually think about how you would answer that question, then read one and you shall see how I answered it. If I were to write this again, I would write a lot differently. There would still be some similar key points, however there are some major differences, though you'll have to ask me about them if you really want to know.
My initial reply was a simple one line "Realising that things are only important if you make them out to be." After this other students replied and stated one or two thing that they believed to be the most important to them, answers including awareness and 'life'. I decided to add another reply in which I commented upon these 'barriers' that I mentioned above, here is a modified version of that reply.
After a little thinking and observing I have noticed two levels at which people have been answering this...or at least most people answered it on one level and my initial answer was slightly different to everyone else. From where I am sitting it looks like everyone has answered the question by stating what they feel is most important to them. If I was to do that then I'm sure there would be little surprise in me saying that the thing I find most important is love. To love everyone and everything. For some reason I have an extra twist on it which makes me feel the need to have love returned. Not by everyone, not by everything but to just find one special case. That would be what I hold most important to me. However to answer this from the non-personal point of view would be as I did originally. To realise that each thing is only as important as one makes it whether it be a conscious effort or not. Now to tie these two together using myself as an example. The most important thing to me is love yet I also realise that I am the only one making love important to me. If I where to shift my frame of mind then I could change the subject of my importance. This means I could take away my need to love and to have that love returned simply by changing my frame of mind. To take that further, one can change ANYTHING within them simply by altering their frame of mind. Now this thing which I have held of so much importance to me for a long time has, on a quantitative level probably caused more damage to myself than it has healed. So why do I not change my frame of mind and find something that works better? Because I don't want to. That is what it boils down to. I have always said that you can do anything, anything you want to as long as two conditions are present: 1) You believe that you can do it. 2) You want to do it wholeheartedly. If there is even a slight doubt down in the subconscious depths of your mind which goes against these two rules you will fail.
Back to the example of myself. Why do I not make things easier on myself and move away from this need to love and be loved? This is where it becomes interesting so excuse me if points start to blur here as I have not put it into writing before. If I look back into my past I can see many roots in which this is founded...probably most exemplified in the music which has been around me all my life. Artists like Bruce Springsteen and Nils Lofgren whom you have probably heard me talk about on more than one occasion. Songs such as "Hungry Heart", "Brilliant Disguise", "Glory Days", "Human Touch" and "Better Days" (Springsteen) to name a few (all are available on the Greatest Hits album) embody a great deal of what I have within me. All I can say is that my whole life has been influenced by these factors and more. Now the only thing holding me to this is me. As to why I hold myself to this, well it certainly isn't for the short-term benefits, but moreso for what I believe the long term benefits to be. For now I am quite content to work within the restrictions that I impose upon myself for future benefits and the idea that while these benefits are currently unavailable and sometime impossible to even believe exist, well 'It can't rain all the time'. I can only end this with a few sets of lyrics.
The first lyrics are from a song by Jane Siberry called "It can't rain all the time". It is taken form the soundtrack to the film "The Crow". To explain some of the references in the lyrics I shall give a brief outline of the film. A man and women are brutally murdered on the night before their wedding. The man is thrown out of a 6th story window after being stabbed and shot twice, though the song implies it is the women that was thrown out of the window. The women is beaten and raped and dies 30 hours later in hospital. The film entails the man's restless soul being brought back one year later to 'put the wrongs right' as a kind of holy crusade. There are some mismatched between my ideas and the song but its the idea of hope that should show what I mean to imply when quoting it.
"Better Days" by Bruce Springsteen. Well there's a fair bit in here, some of which I have quoted before. Here Bruce gives us a little insight into the form of passage his life has followed. I guess I kinda think much along the same lines but I'm not quite as far along as he was when he wrote the song...I'm working on it though.
(Lyrics for both songs omitted, status pending)