Before I get to self-esteem, I want to go through the basics of emotions that help you better grasp the concept of healthy self-esteem. I'll also note that this lecture is intended for you to study, and really think on. I won't provide all the answers. A lot of it is common knowledge, and if you pay correct attention, you should have no trouble.
Emotions
Definition of Emotion: Feelings experienced physically and mentally. A reaction to a stimulus.
Development of Emotions
1) Genetic Factors - Characteristics Inherited from birth
2) Environmental factors - People and things around you; Modeling or imitation; Conditioning; Reinforcement
3) Experiences - Personal history
Now, we've basically covered a few things on emotions. Now to understand them a little further, and how they place into self-esteem, you will need to understand some basic human emotional needs.
Basic Emotional Needs
1) Love -A lack of love can cause emotional problems.
2) Self-Esteem -A lack of self-esteem can cause self-destructive ways.
3) Security - secure and stable people have secure and stable emotions. And likewise, insecurity is reflected in a person's emotions, behavior and level of self-esteem.
From the things listed, I think you can pretty much grasp how this lecture is coming along, and hopefully have a good idea at what I'm getting at. If you don't, emotions are part of our self-esteem, and we need to understand them.
I encourage all of you to take a deep look in yourselves. Examine your reactions to people and situations in your own life. What causes you to do things? Emotions. As a Jedi, we learn to control emotions rather than to allow them to control us. How can we set about doing this?
Well, lets take a look at the stages of emotional response.
Stages of Emotional Response
1) Perception - See or Sense something.
2) Appraisal - Identify
3) Emotion - How you feel about it
4) Physical Changes - Involuntary, due to the emotion
5) Action - What you do
Here is a quick example of these steps in a situation.
You're walking down the street, and someone yells your name. You hear, or sense the person that just yelled your name. You then identify who yelled your name. You see it is someone you find attractive. You feel good, because this person actually called to you and you feel emotionally attached, or loved by the person. You then get nervous, excited, or any other type of emotion that you can experience, which changes your own body tone. Your action is to yell back saying, "Hi !" to be polite. You yell that because in past experiences, that is what you've learned to do.
Let's take a deeper look into the various types of emotional responses.
Emotional Responses
1st type - Passive - Takes other point of view without question, even if disagreement.
2nd type - Aggressive - Unwilling to see other point of view and tries to force his/her point or view on another person.
3rd type - Assertive - Able to express feelings in a non-threatening way, willing to see both sides.
Can you see any familiar things with the Jedi yet? Jedi are most often assertive. Not being the bias, but working through the problem. That is also why Jedi are commonly associated with ambassadors and philosophers, because of the 3rd type of emotional response. They're very assertive.
Ok. Now we have looked at one component of self-esteem development: understanding your own personal emotional triggers and responses to stimuli (people and situations).
Here are some aspects of a high self esteem, which you may see in many Jedi:
1) Self-confident, secure in who they are and happy with their personal development
2) Not being afraid to take risks
3) Self-controlled
4) Able to give or receive compliments gracefully and confidently
5) Take satisfaction in personal accomplishments, but do not seek to wield this pride to the detriment of others
6) Persistent, not giving up easily
7) Easy to get along with - yet firm when the situation calls for that
8) Pleasant demeanor (Positive attitude)
9) Makes an effort to achieve - do their best at any cost, or end up learning to do so. People with high self-esteem are constantly testing their limits, expanding them, striving for improvement in any area they feel the need.
Here are some characteristics you may see in people with low self-esteem:
1) No confidence
2) Suicidal, and feelings of worthlessness
3) No love for self or others
4) Demonstrating a lack of emotional need, which may include being uncomfortable with
touching, lack of eye contact, a brash, "tough guy/gal" exterior or an air of overconfidence
5) Shyness. It's tough to do anything when you are shy. From meeting people, to taking risks,
it can effect any effort you have to achieve a goal, and stay confident in yourself.
6) Uncomfortable interacting with people, withdrawn
7) No goals (Or giving up on them). This may also include setting impossibly high goals in an attempt to feel better about themselves. However, this backfires because they can't
accomplish anything. This can also be seen in setting ridiculously easy goals which require little or no effort to achieve. They don't provide any challenge, or motivation to them as a person. Goals must be measurable and attainable - and one extreme is as bad as the other.
8) Drugs (Forgetting experiences). People with low self-esteem may involve themselves with alcohol, or other illegal drugs to forget past experiences they are ashamed or afraid of, and to make themselves feel better for a brief change.
9) Negative Attitude
10) No self-respect
11) Unhappiness
12) Hard to get along with (unpleasant)
13) Afraid to let anyone else into their problems or life - a fear of human contact. This also deals with the issue of lack of trust. Jedi Bright has supplied us with some notes she has on that topic. I'm going to insert her comments here, as they is put quite nicely, and fit right in at
the moment.
Trust
Learn to trust your initiative. One might say that this takes self-esteem to do so in the first place and I would agree here. However, did you ever see anyone who did not have ANY
self-esteem? I doubt it. Everyone has it, though it is a case of how close to the surface it is. It can often be buried under years of oppression and hatred from other parties, of being distraught at a present situation. By focusing on your ability and not distorting the facts to fit your imprinted description of yourself then you will begin to trust yourself once more. You have found the first layer from which the rest can break through given encouragement.
Another way to get through to this layer is to trust your closest friends. They can help you see the truth and help you to focus on it. You have to take a major step and let them in - this is not a self-esteem matter though it is purely fear and overcoming it. Two very different topics. Friends are not objective, but if they think you are wrong then they do tell you if they are good friends, who truly have your best interests at heart. Listen to them.
Trust the Force. It is something that no one will ever understand in our lifetime, but it will help to guide you. It's the road upon which you have to walk, would you miss the road and risk wandering into the woods? If you learn to trust it, it will show you where you need to go - but you have to have the courage to go down there.
To be at one with yourself also has the added benefit of becoming pure with your goals. You
begin not to listen to social pressures. You look introspectively for the answers. This is a lot of what I would call being a Jedi. Knowing yourself, learning yourself, trusting yourself and finally becoming pure in your goals. It will take some time but it can be done with practice and patience.
Now let's look at some ways you can improve your self-esteem.
1) Set goals. Not impossible ones, but challenging goals that are ACHIEVABLE. Not set too
high, or too low. And ones that are measurable. An example of a measurable goal would be: "I
am going to exercise three times a week for 30 minutes at a time."
2) Create motivational schemes. Look at your interests, and use them to motivate you in your life. This is part of doing things you are comfortable with, and enjoy.
3) Think positive thoughts. This surrounds you with positive energy, and we all know about the ripple effect.
4) Increase participation in activities. Often when you participate in anything, you become involved, and tend to be more open. This is also a good example of what motivation can bring.
5) Be tolerant of yourself and others. Do not cripple yourself with impossible expectations. No one is perfect, and we all have room to grow and develop.
6) Choose the right friends (building trust). As Helen had mentioned, trust your closest friends. Listen to what they have to say, as often they have some of your best interests at heart.
7) Respect others and yourself. If you have problems with other people not respecting you, it sometimes means that you don't respect them, or you are not respecting yourself. Self-mutilation can bring a lot of disrespect from others. So if it is respect you seek, first show respect.
8) Be kind. Usually when you are kind, the person returns the kindness, which can make you feel pretty good.
9) Resist negative influence. In other words, don't go looking for trouble, and don't walk blindly into it. If your friends say "Let's go burn a building", you of course should weigh the risks of that behavior. Are the consequences worth the brief moment of "popularity" and "acceptance"? True friends like and accept you for who you are, not what you do.
10) Inventory your strengths and your weaknesses. This can help you identify your problems, and change yourself, helping you to achieve what you want to, by improving yourself.
11) Select supportive and encouraging friends. This also ties into what Helen was saying. Don't choose friends who you know will not care about you, nor take you into negative influence.
12) Learn something positive when you experience defeat. You can learn from just about any defeat. This also can tie into with inventorying strengths and weaknesses. See what you did wrong, and improve on it.
13) Practice good health habits. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind. Keep both happy.
14) Do something you enjoy. You can obviously see how this can raise self-esteem.
15) Develop a sense of humor. Learn to laugh at yourself, and not take things so personally. You shouldn't get upset over small things. Learn to laugh it off to ease some tension. As Walt Kelly, creator of the Pogo comic strip, said many years ago, "Don't take life so serious, it ain't nohow permanent."
16) Help others and give compliments. Goes nice with Jedi doesn't it? Don't give bogus
comments, it will only make you feel guilty. Unless you're one of those people who get off on it, like a joke. That is called a white lie, which can have its effects, so tell the truth, and be honest with yourself.
17) Reward yourself when you do something well. This is not in relation to a bribe, but rather serves as a motivation to repeat the behavior in the future. This reward could be anything. Maybe you enjoy reading or just sitting around after work. After a good or hard day, it's good to do something you enjoy to relax and ease any stress you have.
As you can see, good self-esteem is something that everyone needs, and can develop with a
little effort. It is one of the key building blocks in becoming a Jedi.