I grew up the youngest of 3 and in spite of that, was the first one to leave my parents house, never to return. Looking back 20 years since that time, I have done a lot on my own. Many times I experienced great sadness, great joy, but all with a purpose. Today, I enjoy the fruits of my labors. I still have more goals to achieve, but by and large, there is very little uncertainty within my life. I mention these things not to boast, not to brag. But to point out a life lived in the pursuit of the title.
Self Reliance.
Not actually realized, but I have gotten to the point where I can pretty much do as I like. It is a term mentioned often, but not really seen as a benefit now a days. As the old saying goes, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? One who is used to relying on the kindness of others would look at that and see nothing wrong.
The self reliant person looks at that and says, ‘you buy the cow for when you can no longer get the milk for free’. To be clear, self reliance is not an easy personal choice. It requires a lot of work, a lot of time, and a lot of dedication. But from my perspective, it is the greatest path to being able to explore other things which one might wish to. Which is the first benefit of self reliance… choice. To do as you like. Without it, you are still given choices, but normally, at the will of another.
Think about it, growing up, we all heard how it was our parents who made the rules and we had to follow them. When you have a job, you are guaranteed a certain amount of hours where your choices in life are taken from you. Even when you get to the point where you have your own business, you still have responsibilities. In fact, those who can honestly claim self reliance… are those who are by and large retired. But the more you work towards such, the more self reliant you become.
Self reliance is not only being able to choose what you will and will not do, but is also the choice of situations over situations. When we work, we give up a portion of our lives in order to live a certain way. Thereby allowing us to gain freedoms we would not have had otherwise. Being self reliant though allows us more control over factors which govern our lives. Those choices then further define our lives.
Those who are near me know that I am one of a few people to come to when they have computer issues because of the life I have defined for myself. I work with many wonderful people that when I get hurt, I know I can talk to them and get good advise. One such person seems to know when there is a change in my condition, needless to say, I think of her as rather good at her profession. Why would I suggest such a path? Taking the metaphor I gave before. Sometimes, the milk runs out.
Hurricane Katrina, Ike, Tornadoes, Earthquakes, fires, all of which are uncontrollable, all of which will cause hardships upon a person. The fact that these things exist are some of the reasons I live where I do. I was able to make that choice, and I know not all can. But I know what all can do, is work towards being able to make that decision for themselves. To be self reliant, there are a few guidelines all must think about.
1. One must have goals. To become self reliant is a personal choice, my version of self reliance is not yours. The goals define the outcome and give focus to what you wish to attain. It also gives guidance as to what you will have to do. One who sets a goal to become a doctor would not go to classes like computer networking or Database Administration except as a hobby.
2. One must be willing to accept failure. This is one of the main avoidances of every human being. No one likes to fail. The fact is though, we all fail from time to time. It is not how many times we get knocked down, but how fast we get back up which is important.
3. One must be willing to take chances. Taking chances is probably the best learning tool there is. To take chances is to basically deal with the unknown. Face it. When you first learned to ride a bike, you took a chance. When you first drove a car, you took a chance. We all take chances in order to learn. Some are chancier then others. But all based on a persons level of knowledge.
4. With 2 and 3, one must be able to see everything as an opportunity to learn. Even when we fail, we gain. This is probably the hardest thing for people to understand. For even when we fail, we learn. This brings up the statement: The definition of insanity is doing something the same way and expecting different results. As we do something, we learn and thereby learn how to get better results.
5. With 4, even when we succeed, there is room to grow, something good can always be made better.
One final thought I will leave you with. We all have an acceptable level that we will meet at one time or another and then claim we are enlightened. Sometimes we meet that which we want, sometimes we have to adjust our goals in order to make them more achievable. It is a common misconception that the sooner you meet it, the better. The sooner you expect to meet a goal, the more likely you will sell yourself short in order to be able to say you have achieved something. Think about this, as soon as we meet that ultimate goal… we will no longer strive to improve ourselves. For me, it is better to never stop having goals, thereby allowing myself to constantly grow. Because of this, I admit I will never be enlightened. But what is enlightenment if it is not a goal to set but not ever achieve? For me, it is better to set its ideals higher then myself, then to look at myself and say, I am enlightened and therefore I am done. Don’t be me…be better then me is how we should look at life.